He’s gone. Beaudacious, Beau, Grumps — my darling and beloved cranky old gelding passed away suddenly a few hours ago.  I just found out.  I didn’t own him, never leased him, but rode him a hundred-hundred times all the same.  I was sometimes scared of him, but mostly just deeply and overwhelmingly in love with one ancient ugly duckling of a horse.  He was my Monster and I miss him so much. When I found out, I went out to the shed and put my face in his spare halter, still caked with sand and hair from the last time he rolled in it, and cried and cried. I don’t even know how to deal with the hole in my life left by this horse, except to get back up in the saddle and ride until I can’t remember what it felt like to trust a horse so much that I could drop the reins bareback and pick blackberries on the move — to ride until I trust another horse precisely that much, and love it even a little bit more for having loved and lost before. Damn you for leaving me, Beau, and damn you for being the best horse in the whole goddamn world.
Pop-upView Separately

He’s gone.

Beaudacious, Beau, Grumps — my darling and beloved cranky old gelding passed away suddenly a few hours ago.  I just found out.  I didn’t own him, never leased him, but rode him a hundred-hundred times all the same.  I was sometimes scared of him, but mostly just deeply and overwhelmingly in love with one ancient ugly duckling of a horse.  He was my Monster and I miss him so much.

When I found out, I went out to the shed and put my face in his spare halter, still caked with sand and hair from the last time he rolled in it, and cried and cried.

I don’t even know how to deal with the hole in my life left by this horse, except to get back up in the saddle and ride until I can’t remember what it felt like to trust a horse so much that I could drop the reins bareback and pick blackberries on the move — to ride until I trust another horse precisely that much, and love it even a little bit more for having loved and lost before.

Damn you for leaving me, Beau, and damn you for being the best horse in the whole goddamn world.

The Ancient Beast himself, who was neglected by everyone but A for a very long time because he acts like a vicious bastard in his stall, and gives everyone the impression he’s going to rip your face off.  Also: enormous.  My head comes up to his withers when I’m wearing boots with a heel. When in reality, he is the sweetest, most patient, most amazing horse I’ve ever been around, and I consider myself lucky beyond measure that he’s a part of my life.
Pop-upView Separately

The Ancient Beast himself, who was neglected by everyone but A for a very long time because he acts like a vicious bastard in his stall, and gives everyone the impression he’s going to rip your face off.  Also: enormous.  My head comes up to his withers when I’m wearing boots with a heel.

When in reality, he is the sweetest, most patient, most amazing horse I’ve ever been around, and I consider myself lucky beyond measure that he’s a part of my life.

I sure did pick the wrong sport to start in the summer.

Riding enormous sweaty mammal bareback = yummy.  You should have seen the hysterical bum-print I left on his back.  His fur was still curling and sticking up an hour later.

Also today I found out that my Grumpy Old Man is even older and more justified about his grumpiness than I previously thought — we figured he was in his mid-twenties but going by his teeth he’s actually OVER THIRTY which is ridiculous.  Which makes today’s prancing and mischief seem miraculous in retrospect.  Grumpy still knows how to bum-wiggle.

Anyway.  Am recovering from encounter with enormous sweaty mammal.  Blek.

But!  I can’t be grumpy about the heat, even when I have to be out in it, because PRIDE DAY is on Sunday!  I have plans involving costumes and festival-wandering and a lunch out for Ladyfriend and I, if we can survive the sky lasers.

In other news, am putting off business stuff like a total scrub, but hopefully next week will involve 100% less sickness and ridiculous family drama and I will have the shop fully operational.  Wish me luck!

Have a good evening, my darlings.